Brunch with Raye

Raye was in town this weekend from Halifax.

Saturday, an emergency took her to see one of her friends outside the city... her friend lost his partner and child all in one day. In childbirth. Such a very sad story. I cannot imagine how that would feel.

Talking to Raye and her friend Jodi over yummy crepes at the Marché was far too short, however. Isn't that the way it usually is, though? One's time with friends never seems enough.

That, coupled with a partner planning session, yoga and the long walk downtown from my house (although an hour and a half doesn't feel so long when the sun is shining and there are such interesting things to look at) took up most of my Sunday.

What was left of the weekend was taken up with household chores and errands. Sounds boring, I guess, but I always love that feeling of accomplishment.

I make lists.

There's a lot of comfort in lists. I love that moment when I can check something off or cross it out. And the motivation I get from even writing the items out on a sheet of lined paper or in my task list is immeasurable.

New on my list is to read The Mastery of Love, a gift from Raye. A gift from Raye, I might add, on her birthday.

It's been a while since I read a self-help book (I think the last one was Getting to Yes or else Me to We) and I think I'm ready for the inspiration. This one is about the "misplaced expectations about love that permeate most relationships." It should help supplement the kinds of things that my counsellor is trying to help me with.

(Question about counselling, actually: how much advice should a counsellor give? Are they meant to be impartial? I thought they were but am feeling lately that mine is not. Is there a situation in which it would be OK for a counsellor NOT to be impartial?)

Interestingly, counselling was another item on my list, once upon a time. It was an actionable way of dealing with something that I really couldn't seem to make inroads on.

But part of what Raye and Jodi and I talked about yesterday was about those things that happen that can't just be an item on a list. Those tragedies, those gutting moments that can't be fixed. What does one do when something like that happens?

This book I've started to read suggests that there is so much more than tragedy that really shouldn't BE an actionable item. That we pretend and force things so much that should really just be left to develop without interference. It goes against my understanding and belief in the internal locus of control. So I'm struggling with it.

I'll keep you updated.
It's on my list.