Saturday, October 29, 2005

As I sat drinking my tea this morning, reading about NOW Magazine's Best of Toronto's activists, I started to think about, selfishly, me.

What was I planning to do today? Clean my apartment? Maybe work on some financial stuff that I've been meaning to get to, get a haircut, talk to my boyfriend, create another posting for my timeshare.

Me, my, mine.

When's the last time I did anything for someone else? For this city I live in and my neighbours who share it with me? When's the last time I actually felt that these cohabitants were actually my neighbours?

Reading about the best Toronto activists, I felt a little small.

Yes, I'm busy. I'm busy working for me. I'm working on my career, my voice, my apartment, my financial future.

Where's the inspiration? Where's my commitment to the human race, or just to improving life in the place I live? (Think global, act local, afterall.)

My parents have always been involved. They've coached soccer and hockey teams, even running the organizations, providing the recreational opportunities that are so important in keeping kids engaged and motivated instead of seeking their sense of belonging in more destructive ways. They've been involved with their church, with charity organizations, donating their time and money quite selflessly.

Haven't I learned from them?

Perhaps this is why I feel so uninspired by life right now. It's difficult to feel the purpose of an existence when it consists of so many historically unimportant elements, when it touches so few.

I think it might be time to contribute to something larger than myself, so that I can begin to look at life as a shared existence and adventure instead of a solo slog.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Another day of rain.

It's getting downright depressing. I haven't been able to ride my bike home from work yet. I think my bike's been there over a week!

I think the lack of exercise is starting to get to me.

I long for the sunshine.

I really quite loathe cold weather. I am just NOT a cute fall girl. I don't look that great in turtlenecks, the fleece doesn't fly in the office and I feel bulky in layers.

Fall. Quite the fashion dilemma.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Lake O'Hara

Lake O'Hara
Originally uploaded by webgoddesscathy.
I've added even more photos to my Calgary photo set on, so you can check them out.

These include photos from our hike around Lake O'Hara in Yoho National Park. It was a gorgeous spot, but damn, it was cold. I suppose that's what you get when you hike in the higher elevations of the Rocky Mountains.

Remind me next time to go prepared with better hiking clothes. You'll see my glamourous hiking outfits later in the set. Oi.

On second thought, maybe don't look at them. They'll totally shatter my image as a fashionista.

I can just hear LouLou magazine (my fluff mag of choice) shuddering in their designer ensemble.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Friday night at home in my quiet apartment.

I luxuriate in it.

I pull on my yoga pants and a cozy sweater and curl up on my orange couch. God, I love my couch. I turn on David Gray. Damn, I love David Gray. I read the grocery store flier - a guilty pleasure - and a letter from my mom while I sing. I talk to an old friend. I catch up on news of my terribly exciting friend.

My stomach flutters with excitement when I realize that I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING.

Goosebumps rise in expectation of the glorious decadence of it all. My shoulders fall and my satisfied breath fills my lungs and belly.

Eyelids lowered, I listen to the hum of the refridgerator as my spine tingles.

I will make myself some tea and life will be complete.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Skipping stones

Skipping stones
Originally uploaded by webgoddesscathy.
I was just thinking of the Labour Day Weekend when Jaap, Alex and I went to Sarah's cottage in Washago. (Click here for more photos from that weekend.)

Remember the summer?
Remember when it was warm and sunny and you wanted to cram as much fun in as possible?

Somehow summer never seems to last long enough.

I could have stayed in this moment.

But no matter how great this picture looks, it never tells you the subtext. Or maybe the stone-throwing competition does, afterall.

Today might have been stressful. I might have woken up anxious. But there are good things too.

I've finally settled my timeshare situation. I finally looked into my investments situation. I have started doing yoga again. And my relationship with Alex has never been stronger.

Who needs sunshine and lazy days by the water? Er...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Bloemenveiling - the flower auction in Aalsmeer

Originally uploaded by webgoddesscathy.
Tonight I sat down and added another batch of Holland photos to

I'm sad to discover that it's not as great as I originally thought. I'm going to have to change some things in how I've organized my Holland photos.

However, I thought I'd share with you this photo. It's a bit of colour in an otherwise dreary day today.

I was at work late, trying to do a maintenance budget that my boss has been bugging me about. As if I don't have a jillion other things to do. But I stayed and did it.

And them I came home and finally did my Back Care Yoga tape. It felt good. So I thought, why not celebrate with some warm two-bite brownies with vanilla ice cream while I listen to that stupid choir tape and work on my website?

And so it unfolded.

If you'd like to see more photos of the Bloemenveiling (the flower auction in Aalsmeer, Netherlands), you should click here.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I am grumpy.

Choir night.

I suck. Plus, I can't read Latin! Who reads Latin? Who are these nerds who just KNOW how to speak Latin?! Was this a prerequisite for joining a choir?

Clearly not, as I somehow snuck in.

Dona nobis pacem.
Ya, take THAT!

Also, I would really like to just stay home/stay up and geek out, stress-free on my computer and website.

I need some down time.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Today I went to look at townhouse-style condos out in King West (Liberty Village). Wow, are they ever building a lot out there right now.

It's kind of cool, because it's a bit of an old factory district that's being slowly refurbished and a lot of interactive companies have set up shop there. So it's up-and-coming. But there's a not a lot there yet. And what is there can get a bit scary.

Of course, I'm a total scaredy-baby.

However, even a condo is almost outside my reach there.
Why does real estate in Toronto cost so much? Very depressing.

And then I visited my friend Steph in Aurora to see her and her new(ish) baby, Charlotte. I finally delivered her baby quilt to her. She loved it - YAY, all that work was worth it! - and we had a nice chat about real estate. It's so much cheaper to live outside the city.


But my life would be so different. And I would need to buy a car.

I refuse!

So I think that means I have to buy a cheap-ass condo. So a-looking I will go...

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I curse that I cannot sleep in.

Staying up late becomes an impossibility, because I cannot make up the time the next morning.

Once the sun's up, I'm up.

It's very, very sad. And makes me feel old.

So today I'm going shopping to make myself feel not-old. Because I have a rental car and can go anywhere I want! Yay! (yawn)

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Zaanse Schans

Originally uploaded by webgoddesscathy.
I love Honestly. I just put up a new batch of my Holland photos in about a half hour.

Check out how cool I am wih my klompen. It's called elephantitis of the feet. This is a big draw of Zaanse Schans - an outdoor museum near Amsterdam. People love to try on the big wooden shoes.

Of course it was a bit touristy, but at least I get to blog about a photo and everyone immediately understand where I am.

Jan also took me into the working windmills there and we saw them making oil and paint. Very exciting.

Although the windmill master was decided less talkative than the one that Mom and I talked to at Kinderdijk.

Follow the link to see other photos at Zaanse Schans.
Tonight I had dinner with Jane.

It's so tough to listen to your friends being taken advantage of. You always want the best for the people you love. So it hurts me when I hear when they're not being treated right. It makes me feel very protective.

I don't understant how people can be so oblivious to the fact that they are making another human being unhappy. I really don't believe that they know and don't care. I refuse to believe that a human being is just that horrible.

Although, last night at Bigger than Jesus, they were talking about just that: that guy you know who goes through completely unhappy.

More than that, they were talking about how not to be THAT guy. And the choice that we make every day not to talk to THAT guy so that he will never know that a friendly voice is on the other side of his tunnel vision.

And more than that, it is really not a show that my dad would probably like. The creator might like that thought. But I suspect, more than anything, he really just wants people to talk about it. To wonder. To be alive. To not throw out religion because they don't believe in a particular story that may or may not be true. In the end, it doesn't really matter whether it was true - what matters is what we're doing now.

And right now, I want to save my friends from the big bad wolves of the world. My mom wants to save her sister and her friends.

But we can't.
All we can do is love unconditionally and give them the knowledge that you believe that they will work it out all on their own.

Is that what my personal jesus does? Leaves it up to me because he believes I will work it out? Maybe that's why I am strong enough to actually work it out.

Maybe that's the gift I need to give to those I love the most: the gift of doing nothing.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Wilcox Pass

Wilcox Pass
Originally uploaded by webgoddesscathy.
I was just going through my photos from last year's trip to Calgary and I discovered this one. Dad makes a pretty good thoughtful model. Wilcox Pass and the Athabasca Glacier make a pretty spectacular backdrop.

Click on it and you can check out some of my other photos from that trip and leave comments or watch a slideshow and all sorts of cool things. I'm testing out and realize that it's likely the coolest thing I've used in a long time.

I could possibly be the last blogger on the planet to discover it.

Well, that's what a WebGoddess gets when she doesn't have time to stay home and geek out. Bad Cathy. I guess I should be thankful that I'm too sick to do anything else tonight.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Thanksgiving: a time to give thanks.

I am thankful for my family, with whom I just spent a thoroughly lazy long weekend.

I am thankful that I have a good life here in Toronto and that I'm finally happy with it. That I love my apartment and my boyfriend and that I have good friends and a job that could be a whole lot worse.

I'm thankful that Matt is going to marry Kendra because I love them both and I think that they make each other happy.

I'm thankful that I'm starting to grow up and realize what's really important in life... and what isn't.

I'm thankful that I'm still young enough to be curious about the world, embrace adventure, learn new things every day and know that my future holds unfathomable promise.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Today I got to go for my favourite Congee Star lunch: BBQ Pork Noodle Soup.

And then I went home just a little bit early because I wasn't feeling well. I'm so glad that I did. I just hung out in my apartment with my soft christmas blanket around me, drinking rooibus tea, listening to Norah Jones and doing a little much-needed personal business.

My mom is on the way to pick me up.
Maybe I'll read and watch movies and eat apple pie all weekend with my brother will. Maybe Dad will have the woodstove going.

Whatever happens, I know it will not be stressful.

Eventually, I will forget about that email that I forgot to send at work. And the documents that I should have completed. And the meeting that I haven't set up yet.

And everything will be back in perspective and maybe I won't be sick anymore.

I can't wait.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I don't know what's going on. I'm so tired!

I feel like sleeping for about 2 days straight. With someone to bring me tea and smooth my hair.

Riding my bike to and from work has been a real challenge. I thought it would get me feeling more energetic. Not even swing dancing class really woke me up.

Shockingly, laundry and apartment cleaning and making apple crisp didn't jazz me right up.

I don't even want to eat. Not even chocolate. I must be sick.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I am so tired. It's not even late and I can't keep my eyes open.

Even today at 5pm, I was finishing up a meeting and had figure out how I was not going to close my eyes.

Goodness, what is wrong with me?

Also, I suck at choir. I hate the beginning when I have no idea what to sing. I feel like such a loser. Plus, I have no friends there so I feel like an even more ginormous loser.

It's humbling to say the least.
Do I need to feel more humble?

Saturday, October 01, 2005

It's been a great day at my parents' farm. I came home for my mom's birthday.

I slept in. Dad made breakfast and we ate out in the sunshine. My dad and I were talking financials when Marlene (Heather's mom) drove up the driveway to surprise my mom.

We talked and worked on our quilt and then went to Dairy Queen for a Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzards.

I made my mom a banana butterscotch cheesecake and took her out for a seafood dinner.

Then dad brought out the loot for her: new quilting paraphenalia. You know you're a nerd when that excites you. We're already planning our next quilt.

And tomorrow? Back to Toronto to have dinner with Mr. Cathy and then go to the David Gray concert. I can't wait!