Monday, April 21, 2008

I'm in love

She is tiny. Her head fits in the palm of my hand. She fidgets and makes funny little dissatisfied noises and is constantly moving her fingers. She sleeps all balled up like a little frog. And sticks her tongue out a lot. And she keeps her parents awake a lot.

But when I visit, I just stare at her and I can't stop staring. Even when she poops right when I'm holding her, it still doesn't break the spell.

What is wrong with me?

I don't even like babies. And I've got baby fever.

I rented a car this weekend and drove to visit my parents and then again to visit my brother and Kendra and the baby, Freya. It was such a lovely weekend. The weather was fantastic as I walked in the back acres around my parents' house. We made an amazing steak dinner and then my mom and I bonded over yet another quilt consultation. I didn't want to leave except that I couldn't wait to get that baby back in my arms.

So I'm just giving up and calling myself a typical dorky girl who swoons over babies. Seriously, I watched with rapt attention as she screwed up her face in preparation for crying. And when her eyes drooped closed in milk-coma. And I exclaimed at the cuteness of the little tongue always worming its way out. And the spaghetti arms shooting straight up and out of her blanket when she randomly stirred in her sleep. I even watched her eyelids move as she dreamed.

I'm lucky: I don't have to deal with her late nights and explosive poos. To me, she can be perfect, with her head resting fully in the palm of my hand as she sleeps in her favourite position: like a frog, with her legs folded beneath her belly and one drunken arm slung limply over the side. Her long fingers nervously playing an imaginary piano when she stirs.

I can share her warmth and breathe her scent and pat her delicate little back. She is like a precious little doll in my arms. And I didn't want to give her back.

But there was home to get back to. Work to do before heading out today to San Francisco for a conference. And so I handed her back, sad that I won't see her for at least two whole weeks!

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