Tuesday, March 08, 2005

It seems to me that I freak out with some regularity. I'm not sure exactly what happens. One minute, I'm calm, with perspective on my life. The next minute I'm overwhelmed, panicked and snapping at everyone.

How does it happen?

It seems to have a 2- to 3-week cycle.
So it's not JUST hormones, if that's what you're thinking.

Am I crazy? Do I suck at my job?
Can I not handle stress?
These are the fears I deal with.

So I spend my 10-plus-hours at the office and I organize. And I put together schedules, send emails, update budgets, write status reports. All in the quiet of an empty building.

And finally, I am sane. I can breathe that sigh of relief. Press send, sign off, click off the lights, lock the doors, set the alarms.

Head off to another night of barely enough time to make some dinner, check my email, blog, and brush my teeth before bed.


Anonymous said...

Cath. You are not insane. Except for the part about staying at work that late. Now really.

But we all worry about that otehr shit. Just detach and plan your next vacation, your better apartment.. and don't get too caught up in your daytimer.

Find a place to live that you love, and somewhere where you can escape to and just relax as if you were on vacation - "home sweet home." Somewhere you'll always want to come home to.

And then plan the next trip.


Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD are you like your mother or what!! she who stays til 9pm to try to bring some order to the messy files, undone project folders, patient charts etc & still has people remark how someone ought to tidy up someday. BUT it is so true that I get more done when no one is there than at any other time & once having done it feel peace & a sense of accomplishment that noone can take from me even those who can't see I've done anything. NOw if I could only apply this work ethic to my attic!