Thursday, April 26, 2007

Hot Docs

HotDocsI managed to see two documentaries at HotDocs this year with my most ardent movie-going friend, Sarah: Thin Ice and Lovable.

They were both really good. Actually, I also saw "The Fighting Cholitas" at the same time as "Thin Ice", since they were both quite short and had very similar themes of the empowerment of women in sport (although, can you consider WWE-style wrestling a sport?).

I really enjoyed Lovable, even though there was less of a real story line there. There were so many people who were very open and honest about their fear of dying alone. And yet there were those who professed not to be all that unhappy with their aloneness.

It was strange, watching that documentary; I actually identified with much of what those women were looking for. And yet I'm in a relationship. I wonder if perhaps part of the reason why some of us are alone is due to our misconceptions about what a relationship should be.

Are we searching for something that's not realistic? Do we get disappointed and fed up with all of those dates and relationships that just don't measure up to our fantasy? Has society fed us an ideal of what we should have that we continually compare ourselves to instead of looking at what we really want and being OK with it, even though it's different?

I don't feel alone, really. Much like many of the women in the film, I have a plethora of supportive, loving relationships that just aren't THAT ONE relationship. And I'm one of those women they talked about who constantly complains about her ONE relationship. Perhaps the relationship just doesn't measure up to my misconstrued notion of what it should be.

I'm an independent girl: I quite like being alone. But maybe I just feel like I shouldn't. I feel like I SHOULD delight in being around my partner as much as possible. But that's not how it works out in reality. So does that mean it's broken? Or is it just that I don't really like being around anyone all the time and I should stop trying to force it?

I love events like HotDocs that bring interesting thoughts to my life.


Anonymous said...

Wow! I continue to be amazed at your honesty. I am seriously envious of your ability to share your innermost thoughts on relationships with the world.

I both love and loathe giving opinions, but I do believe that as women we have been fed knight in shining armour fantasies about relationships. HOWEVER at the same time, I do believe that you can find that one person - the best friend, lover and partner all rolled into one. I'm with my ONE and it isn't always perfect. We've had ups and downs and I sometimes want to smack him upside the head for leaving the dishes on the countertop, but at the core of it all is an intense love, passion and friendship. Relationships aren't always filled with big romantic gestures and the burning desire to be with one another all the time. That stuff fades and eventually what's left is that core and it's that core that makes all the stupid stuff like dirty dishes OK.

A lot of people have critisized me for spending time with my best guy friends or going on trips without Shane, but it works for us. Does going away for two weeks to Nepal without him mean I don't love him? No, it just means that I want to go to Nepal and he doesn't. It works because we are both OK with it. We're both OK with not fitting into the preconceived idea of what some other people think our relationship "should" be.

Women should always rejoice in their alone time - and also in their together time with partners and friends. I firmly believe that a happy life requires a connection with yourself, a connection with nature and a connection with others. It can never be just one.

Kudos again for always sharing your thoughts with us!


Unknown said...

It can be hard to be open, but it's just what I think about, some might say obsess about, write about. That's not to say that those closest to me like it... But I try not to say too much about anyone in much detail.

I just have to write for me. Try to forget that anyone else may be reading, or just imagine that it's my mom or my closest friends reading and then I might say this to them, anyway.

Anyway, on the topic of relationships, I wonder very much about how some people end up with certain types, while others end up, well, unhappy. My counsellor maintains that those who end up unhappy get that way because they secretly, unconsciously WANT to be unhappy.

And so I question myself.

Do I want to be unhappy and so I'm creating this situation (and thus, I can unmake the situation)?

Or, is this really a situation that I could never be happy in, given my nature?

It is a personal journey that no one can really help me with. I will come to an answer for myself someday. But, in the meantime, it helps me to write about my struggles and to see how other people feel or think about it. So thank you for sharing too.