Monday, January 14, 2008


I've been doing a lot of thinking about babies lately.

So many of my friends have been having them: Steph, Heather, Tree, Ev, several work colleagues, Scott and Kat have got another one on the way and my brother and sister-in-law, Kendra, have their first in the oven. And I know people who are trying to get pregnant as well.

This weekend, I was looking at my sister-in-law's belly thinking: Damn, there's a PERSON in there! I just get so full of awe at the thought of it.

I remembered having a dream last week that involved a fanny-pack-style baby-incubating device for those who can't carry the baby in their belly. The baby grew inside this plastic pouch carried around the waist, complete with zipper so you could lift the baby out of the amniotic fluid for a second if you wanted.

Clearly, I've got baby on the brain.

And today I found out that my ex and his wife had their first baby. Such a strange thought, when one considers: "Wow, if I'd stayed with that person, maybe that would be ME with a baby..."

Part of me is envious that they're in a position in their life where a baby makes sense. Where they have a stable partner and life and you know your situation is able to cope with a huge drain on you time, sleep, money and patience. You know your relationship can handle it. Suddenly, knowledge of your menstrual cycle is being used to conceive rather than preventing it. It's so foreign.

But part of me is also scared. Even if I was in such a relationship, would I really be ready? I feel like a child myself and can't imagine taking care of another being so completely.

I want it and yet it scares me. And on top of it all, I dare not think about it as it is just not in the cards for me. Yet. People warned me that my hormones would one day hijack me -- and I didn't believe them. After years of fighting them off pretty successfully, the fates have resorted to basically beating me over the head with baby madness.

But you know, I'm happy for all these people. I'm thankful it's not me. Yet.

Congrats to Tony for his greatest creation. And to all the parents that make it look like no big deal to create a human being.


Anonymous said...

I frequently look at Charlotte and think, "Holy crap! How am I responsible enough to care for you?!" It's scary as all hell but also totally amazing and wonderful at the same time.

Strangely enough, when I was pregnant I had a very similar recurring dream. I would unzip my belly, pull a baby out, look at it and then pop it back in again. Never figured out if it meant anything more interesting than wanting to know what/who was causing me so much pain.

Kat said...

We are typically flying by the seat of our pants...I think we just take it a day at a time as you never really know what comes next with your first kid. Plus, Scott is just a big kid, so he cana relate to Max no problem ;-)

I think we all feel like kids deep down - I hope I always do. It will be a sad day when I feel like I have it all together, am completely grown up and am ready to take responsibility for everything around me.

I've never had that unzip the baby from the belly dream...interesting.