Sunday, September 11, 2005

This weekend I went to visit my grandmother in Wallaceburg.

Although she can't see or hear very well, she's doing pretty damn good for being over 90. I was able to work on my quilt with my mom and my grandma seemed pretty interested in it, even though she probably couldn't see it very well. She seemed pretty proud that I was doing it. She used to do them herself until her eyes started to fail.

She talked about her routine every day and about how she runs out of things to do and sits in her chair, waiting for the next thing to do. I wonder how it feels.

I offered to help her do the dishes, for example, but she didn't want help. I think it was because otherwise she wouldn't have anything to do.

She can't go outside because the heat bothers her. And when you can't see or hear well, there's not a whole lot that you can do. She knows where everything is in her kitchen and can find it by feel. She sees shapes and she can hear when it's very quiet and you're talkig very loud.

So she dozes in her chair a lot. She doesn't sleep well at night.

I looked around at all the pictures of her and my grandfather and I felt really sad that he's no longer around. I know it was difficult on her to take care of him, but I wonder how she feels now about him being gone. I was afraid to ask.

I did ask her about how she met my grandpa and about her family and she seemed happy to talk about them.

And it made me realize that, somewhere in there is a girl who once met a cute guy with big ears at a dance and thought, hey maybe he's the one. Somewhere in there is the young woman who left her entire family behind to move to a new country where her and her husband could buy and work their own farm... far away from everyone she knew.

I wish I had known that girl - what she once dreamed about, how she felt on her wedding day.

I wish I had asked how she feels about the life that led to this conclusion. But one doesn't know how such a question will be recieved. Or whether one really wants to know the answer.


Raye said...

that was a very beautiful post

Anonymous said...

I am going to read that to grandma someday...she would happy to have beem so honored by you