Tonight the Blue Jays lost.

BOO!

But at least the best fans were sitting in the second row along the foul line, section 113. Jaap enjoyed his first visit to the SkyDome, aside from the fake grass. The fake grass really bothered him. Poor baby.

We had a good time though. He helped our friend Rhonda move today and they came together to the game. Rhonda got some last-minute tickets for free and was able to sit with us.

We made our own fun as I tried the 2-finger-whistle and nearly passed out from the effort.

And now off to bed and the boring part of my life where migraines lurk...

Today was the first day for my first employee. I am a real manager again.

I tried for so long to get some help, campaigning so that I could work normal hours and yet still accomplish the bare minimum. Finally, after a full proposal, I got approval. I wrote up job descriptions, read endless resumes, interviewed.

And today? I spent all my time making sure she was OK, teaching her things, explaining processes and feeling I wasn't able to do the things I should be doing.
So when does it get easier?

Yes, I know that training takes time. I know it takes patience and I understand that it's an art form.

But can you blame me for wanting to just say "Hi - do that"?
And then it's done magically, perfectly.

I am confrontational lately.

Why?

Why do I feel so defensive and angry? I need to figure this out so that I can make it better because I'm spinning my wheels.

I think I feel like I can't talk about the issues that I'm upset about. That's a major frustration. I feel like everything is SO hard. Why can't anything just be easy? Why do I always have to try; why can't OTHER people try?

Why can't I forget about things that I can't talk about so that I can at least be content?

I went to The Free Press CD release last night at the Horseshoe. A lot of people came out for the show, which was great to see. They sold quite a number of CDs, which is great, because they are POOR!

I'm sure it was a bit of a weird show for Alex, being so soon after his dad's funeral. He did well, although he was really quiet.

Of course I'm tired now.

I'm really looking forward to the weekend so I can relax and sleep.

Its really strange when something horrible happens and then life goes on as normal.

Alex's dad died on Friday. He was diagnosed with lung cancer earlier this year and will be laid to rest on Tuesday. When something like that happens, it sort of changes your perspective on the importance of everything.

Jaap and I had plans for a roadtrip, as I wrote last time. I wasn't sure at first if we should go. But, as Alex said, me not going wasn't going to change anything; life doesn't just stop when something like this happens.

And so we went.

And we CELEBRATED life. We stayed arrived 1.5 hours late in Niagara-on-the-Lake, to our gorgeous bed and breakfast, Amazing Grapes. Norman and Marilyn were so friendly, I almost felt like I was saying goodbye to my parents as I pulled out of their driveway the next morning, armed with the map that Marily had highighted for us.

We walked around Niagara-on-the-Lake for a bit, buying the requisite fudge and browsing the shops. We rented bikes at Zoom ($20/day for amazing bikes - we got a deal!) and rode out along the Niagara Parkway to Queenston, stopping to look out over the river and at several wineries along the way. I totally recommend Lailey for the quality of their wines, but Jackson Triggs is bigger, much more commercial and hosts evening concerts - Quartetto Gelato was playing on Saturday but we had other plans.

After a nice dinner at the Olde Angel Inn, we drove the scenic route to Guelph to sleep at Matt and Kendra's house.

I woke up today and wandered downstairs to be greeted by Kittimer Kazoom (their cat) who demanded my attention for about 45 minutes. Gratefully given. We sat out on Matt's deck, enjoying the bright sunshine, reading and checking out their beautiful garden until hunger took over and Jaap took advantage of the Matt-Special: chocolate sprinkles toast (hagelslag). A little piece of Dutch heaven, I guess.

Then we were off to Elora to check out the Gorge conservation area.

While this is a beautiful place, it's really not worth it unless you get IN the water and do some tubing! If you want to be sure to get a tube, be early! We waited in line for a while until we decided to go for a walk along the top of the gorge. By the time we got back down and had something to eat, people were already done with their tubes and bringing them back.

We got in the water at probably 3:30pm and didn't leave until 6:30pm. Still, for $20/ea including all equipment (life vest, helmet and a registration bracelet) it was worth it!

We found our way into the town of Elora, which is a really cute town, and mowed down on some really great, greasy pizza at New Orleans pizza. And then it was great tunes all the way home, congratulating ourselves on such a great weekend.

This weekend was what life is about. Living. Doing. Experiencing.
Live life with passion. Because it will end too soon.

Well, Dave has left and it's sad because I won't see him again for a long time. It was so great to see him - we had a lot of great talks about life. And we had a nice picnic at my work yesterday in the gorgeous sunshine.

But now Jaap is back.
I made thai food for dinner tonight as we planned our weekend!

I'm really excited: we're renting a car and going to Niagara-on-the-Lake and then to Guelph to stay with my brother and on to Elora Gorge.

Roadtrip!

Too bad the weather is supposed to suck. BOO Canada!

I had a lovely weekend with Jaap at a wedding at Sandbanks National Park. We stayed at an amazing bed and breakfast in Bloomfield. We visited the sand dunes and sat, chatting about life in the gorgeous weather. Then we went back to the B&B to clean up and I got to put on my pretty dress and wear make up. I love feeling pretty.

The wedding ceremony was at the beach as the sun was going down. The bridesmaids walked down the aisle to reggae music, their bare feet padding through the sand. The vows were beautiful and so touching. I cried.

Then we drove back to Toronto to meet up with Dave who's visiting from Japan. It's so great to see him. I love having him around once a year.

Too bad he loves Japan and I can't convince him to come "home" for good.

I had the day off to spend with him, which was fantastic. But I'm back to work tomorrow. At least we have plans afterwards, so I have something to look forward to.

I love my boyfriends!

Having Jaap visit is so nice!

It's great to have a built-in friend to do fun things with. Every night we do something interesting. (At least I think it's interesting.)

Monday night, we played volleyball in the beaches.

Tuesday night, we went rollerblading/biking in Sunnybrook park (actually, we went as far as we could on the Don Valley trail, but it gets a bit bumpy in places.) Then we went for a swim at my apartment.

Last night, I made a nice salmon dinner for us and then we met Sarah and friends downtown for her pre-Scotland travels

On the weekend, we he came to my Grand Bend family reunion. I was worried he'd be bored, but he got along really well with everyone and got to sit on the beach and play water frisbee with everyone, so it worked out. He probably got a little bored.

Having him around makes me want to travel.
The fun part of my life right now, the part that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning, is the stuff that we do after work.

Of course, it's frustrating for him that I have to work during the day. He gets bored because he has no one to hang out with. Living with me is cheap, but he doesn't get to meet a lot of other travellers that way.

So then I think about taking time off to travel to the places that he would really like to do the things that we would BOTH really like. I get all excited and suddenly, all the extreme stresses of my job seem far away.

I'm tired of stress.
My body is tired of stress.

I need to get away.

I "talked" to Jaap's friend, Hylke this morning on MSN Messenger and he asked me how I like living in Toronto. I thought about it and realized that I like it very much.

Toronto in the summer is so great. There's always so much to do.

Sometimes I just wish I took more time to do it.

I also want to thank all the lovely people who were so sweet and supportive when I mentioned that I was sad.

Everyone gets sad sometimes. It just helps the good times to feel all that much better, I guess. It's really nice to be reminded that people love you, though. So thank you.

Things ARE good.

It was a good day.

Jaap and I went for a walk around downtown - Ryerson, Chinatown, Kensington and University of Toronto before heading off to Taste of the Danforth.

It was SO busy with people lining up in ginormous lines to pay $3 for a stick of souvlaki. We had gyros and cheesecake and walked around, stopping to listen to a couple Greek bands.

Tomorrow, we're off to Grand Bend.

Several exciting things to report:

I have a couch!

My couch is pretty!

Alex came for a surprise visit!

I have installed StatCounter on my site (Re-invigorate punked out on me)

Jaap is arriving in Toronto and staying with me tonight!

Tired. So tired.

I went to see The Free Press at Healey's last night. It was great - they were great - and I was really proud. But of course it meant I went to bed super late and got up early for work.

I thought about breaking my rule and doing a really personal post. But I think it doesn't belong here. Perhaps it belongs in the journal I keep beside my bed - my pen has been aching for use.

I guess I should just say that I've been sad. I don't like being sad.

But I should never underestimate the value of a good, straightforward talk with someone who really listens.

I mean, if you're sad, what do you really have to lose by talking about it? It can only get better...

I had a lovely weekend!

Friday night, my birthday party

Saturday, hang out with boyfriend and shop

Saturay night, fun bachelorette

Sunday, visit from my mom (bday presents!), dairy queen and home to the farm

Monday, more bonding time with mom and back to Toronto for Thai food and window shopping

I got tickets to Annie Get Your Gun opening at Massey Hall soon!

I got a beautiful silk scarf and all sorts of amazing skin products (NOT because I'm old, though!) and I got an awesome book called 1,000 Places To See Before You Die. I can't wait to get inspired for my next big adventure!

Birthdays are great - and mine isn't even OVER!